Clean clean, broom away the spider webs

I have forgotten the skills, the skills that I once have had to enable me stand outside circumstances and find the truly me that right inside me. He said potential will remain potential if you never wish to develop it. Just like "Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." Quoted from my 4 o'clock where posted on the door. Which I believe everyone from my mother school are familiar with. On my 2 o'clock I look up, the manual that leads me to my potential are yet to be study. And now there are 3 o'clock left for the world to judge how worth am I. We make thousand of decision every days. To write a random post or give a serious thought, to wake up or continue sleep, go west or east, take shower first or eat first, to think or just follow, to obey or disobey and every decision made there are consequences that shaped who you are.

Finding myself is very much important or was it? created from dust and no control of when will be back to original form, are we destined or we destine who we will be?A voice that whispering, they called it conscience but I call it voice from Him whom I love. Its more than conscience and without His words it can be dangerous where differences are just between the line, possibility to become 'con science', a new term from my dictionary that defined as 'a science/logical thinking/know-it-all's arrogant that deceive you from the truth'. We are created to obey not the other way round. In line through the words or offline with Him that leads to death.

I need to fresh install my operating system. My mind control my decision but the Spirit is the utmost decision counsel. There must be a clear line to avoid overpowering to happen. My dear wise counsel speak louder as I have a listening problem. Give me eardrums that are sensitive to your voice which even greater than dolphin's. Sorry for I have to say sorry again for all my weaknesses.

His blood a little like fresh install os. The greater things of the first is it leave no record as we restore back to Him; whereas later are still data that left behind.

...fresh install are almost finish, please reboot to complete the progress...

...you left ∞ times until you are back home with me...

Always love,
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit aka Jesus Christ

Time

Time is crucial yet I no longer sensed it presence, just numb. I wish I have more time. Mind became dull, energy being drained. I am vex yet time are just passing by and never wait. The verses you lazy and wicked servent keep strike me. So much so that I hardly can look up, of the unworthiness that is in me. I want to give back tenfold the talents that are given.  Yet just how many talents that I will give back to you? That’s the only question that I am concerned for the answer I am giving you is always tenfold, just how and when. Strengthen me Lord.

A bad move?

I just found myself very quick in making decision especially when come to thing that I enthuse, for example like yesterday with an unexpected call of a friend asking my opinion on his purchase of a secondhand pc and because I always think of getting a better performance desktop and I just let slip that I was going to sell off my old pc then he asked me how much so I just do a basic calculation to him. To cut the whole story short,yea, I am selling off my pc this friday. I was just realised that I can make a better choice if I wasn’t too quick to say yes to my friend. But, what is gone is gone. I anticipating on a new one this coming April 3-5 Pikom Pc Fair.

Let’s talk how my old pc spec are:

P4 1.6ghz processor, gigabyte motherboard, 512mb+256mb ram, 160gb hd, 256mb ati graphic card, sony dvd-burner, and ATX tower casing with 400watt psu.

and the spec that I will probably have:

C2D 2.6ghz(est. rm240)
ASUS mainboard (budget rm200)
2gb PC800 DDR2 ram (est. rm 65)
320gb hd(rm0)
ATI graphic card (budget rm200)
DVD-burner(budget rm80)
ATX Computer casing with psu(budget rm 100)
total: rm890- rm200=rm690-rm400=rm290

cost to get a new set of pc = rm290 after exclude upgradable component and deduction from the sale of old pc.

*est. = my own estimation of pc fair price.

well, not a really bad move. But it could be a better move which I can be very happy to make when I thought of it last night. Anyway, the purpose of getting new set of pc is to trying out newly released beta version of Windows 7, Adobe After Effect, Pinnacle Studio 12, Sony Vegas 9, Adobe CS4, and to buy time+peace(you have no idea how many time you wasted in waiting the pc to log on, response to your command and emotionally hush of having a fast enough pc)

Friends

Just went back from the service, and ya the internet was really slow and it pissed me off. If not because of the contract that I now having with the streamyx and celcom I would have just unsubscribe it..and also if only I have an alternative. Ok, since the internet is slow so just thinking of write up of what running in my mind just now..yea i know i am a lazy blogger and I won’t deny it.hehe

ともだち in Japanese means friends. I like hanging out with friends. They all occupied a certain place in my heart. And for everyone I will also store some special moment of every single one. For example, like this very special one whom I met few years ago. He is a very nice person and also he is the only man I actually seeing tears flowing down on his cheek while he describing the unfairness of the life he going through now at one and half years ago till now, where the working hours is so demanding and is like impossible to take leave. Reminiscent of that day in front of the traffic light at the T-junction is where I store a moment of the very moment. And don’t surprise that I remember every single words you said cause that’s the time I acknowledge you as the ‘emo’ guy, haha, no la, what I actually trying to say is that I feel really sorry for seldom keep in touch with you that time, and every time I just being a listener where I just really want to say something yet I just hardly find any words that time, i was kinda introvert ma that time~ I just realise that I always keep a gap between what mean to be called ‘Friend’, by being real, sharing life,  keep in constant contact, and in upholding each other. I remember asking you to blog and you said “What to write about?Everyday just the same only, people read will also get bored.” But what I can tell is that, at least by what I thought, is that deliver a message by blog is effective in deliver what you wanted to tell and what you want the reader to know by stand in your shoe. And here I want to say I’m sorry for those who I seldom keep in touch with and bear with me ya~

Its 1215am d and ya i wanna go to bed liao. Ciao, nite nite.

Dell

Got the bluetooth device from Dell..so small size yet in such big box=_="

Just got the new battery today..Yeah!!!and ya i think this box is way bigger..causes of global warming: waste the trees..and the fuel..learn from Apple la..see how they conscious the effect of the packaging of the new Macbook

Long long lost reply

Having an hour conversation in msn with my cousin..well, asking a question that I don’t know how to answer is a pain and I take the way out for two years..cz too much went inside and coming out like a mess is even worse. So this time I choose not to put too much of myself.. it went out well but why I felt that my explaination just doesn’t reached thr yet when I been told that he don’t understand my life philosophy=_= and i do feel he just simply throw me questions which also make me feel like I am giving up to talk to him..a long way to go though.. what to expect to understand a person merely just words?have to find a time go and meet up again.

Last Monday, inside the van helped Jonathan massage and he said I am good at it do I massage anyone?Then I realised that I have been a long time since I ever spent time with my dad.. well picking the few grey hairs while I still secondary school was pretty much enjoying the time together. The first time when mom was away to Bintulu  I was still primary school, he will give me money to lent novels and I will just love to chasing after all the novels of Jin Yong and conan detective comics without have my dinner and lunch some time 12hours a day non-stop until i finished it and my sis kind influenced by me. I can even remember he bought me a sony walkman that time.. yea its kinda cool but I lost it.. duh.. such a memorable item. Time flies and I can really feel it now. All the memory popping up.. unfulfilled promise to my grandma when I was 12, naughty me always quarrel with my cousin for her injustice(can’t really remember what happened but I know I am right.. hahaha well I always think like this so cant help) and sugarbun time with family…and many more…Well, guess I will just catching it up in my dream.hehe.. Good night~

Where should I start?

Ins and outs, days and nights, week after weeks. Here again flip to the same page again

Haiz... idealess. Why I always work outside the frame one? Easily get distracted..

Today

There were days start with right track and otherwise. Today start will a wrong one definitely. Consequences of it is unavoidable. When will it over of these tensed and unpleasant days?

receive and perceive. Just in between the line things can change, one extreme to the other extreme. Well, I am not qualified to talk more on these but all are just about learning process. We never stop learning until we give up on moving on. Belief system should change and mentality should reshape. Cheers-

Race

Time can never be enough if don't use it wisely. Today I reminded of a uncle shared about race. The are different type of race: sprints, middle & long distance race, hurdles, relay and some other race.

What kind of race we running determine the attitude we will have towards life. Well, there are one type of race that every one desired and wanted to that's a race that make a second counted. Are you? Some might say neh, why make life so difficult? They dont want they are probably just don't know how or perhaps they have been classified as losen one by the community they lived in which made them wanted to give up on continue the unfinished race. I don't know where am I now but at least for this moment I really wanted to spend my days worth living for, a race that made every second count is what I longing for and desired. When it come to a relay race. Every one is equally important.

The moment you hold the baton there is a moment you have to strive all you have trained for and give the very best of your ability. To win the race might not easy but to finish the race is paying respect of the effort the rest and yourself have putting into.

wide awake

Just woke up and am having a clearer mind now. Ya I have decided to do what I think will benefit others. Am not sure how it will lead but I believe this will certainly do me good. I want my passion back.

Last weekend my tutor was sharing about how our mind works. It's interesting. He said that sometime we need to extend our mind range from the normal range to think out of the box. And now I'm practising it. Well it might not a big deal to others but for me it's a refreshing thing, start-off with bi-monthly and see how's it goes. Early of the days I been asked by the administrator of the CT forum for helping in a monthly or bi-monthly newsletter and now I will give it a shot in bi-monthly issue. For the moment, I am good now.

Correction: This is not my battle alone cause You had already won the victory. It just take time to realised. You have highly exalted and I am actually obligated. I am grateful.

Things never happen the same way twice

I am wonder on how my mind some time can really remember things with detail but the other time not exactly. Back to early June 2008, it was Friday and the second day of the Prince Caspian Premium, I not as prior planned go for watching Narnia that showed at 8:15pm but somehow tempted and promise immediately when asked to. On the way back home with leslie, we find it fun in quoting whatever been said in the movie. Then by chance I quoted what have been said by Aslan. It happened when getting through traffic light. Before reaching the traffic light it was green light from far away before we reach, but in the half way passing through the traffic lights turns to orange. And the second traffic light near DPS just before reached, with a distance about 50meters, I said “wa tonight the traffic light all the way green is it?”. When we thought we surely will get through again since the light was still green but just two seconds passed with a distance I decided to stop as it turning to red and I just quoted what Aslan said in the movie: "Things never happen the same way twice". The words that Aslan said since then has been planted (subsequent to simply quoted what been said in the movie and laugh at own-self). What actually keep me ponder was why Aslan said it twice? And is kind of weird when same words come out from Aslan mouth ‘twice’ in different scene, the first most believe is in Lucy’s dream and the other is in reality, it’s kind of ironic.

As days went by when these words popped up again this morning I found an explanation of what it meant. Well in the story, as you know Lucy characterized as the innocent one who believe completely in whatever she been told and this made her the first one who discover there were another world called ‘Narnia’ which was behind the wardrobe. When she told her siblings, they don’t believe in her in the first place. So standing in her shoe, what would she think when the closest one her siblings whom she dependent on doesn’t believe in her? Well, definitely Lucy will be upset and especially when treated as bluffing in a point. Coming back to Prince Caspian when she grown a bit older, the circumstance where no one believes in her happened again. Anyway in the process of growing up the circumstances will be different from the one before. We will see things more intellectually and with different level of emotional immunity due to past experiences. Hence, what Lucy will have in mind definitely different from where she was in the beginning and the circumstances that tweaked are the foundation of the learning process. Aslan want all these to be an important learning process to Lucy. He wants Lucy to grow in different ways not in follow the echoing incident which she has had in her dream to happen all over again. Make it simple it actually might be the test of faith and trust that Lucy had put in Aslan.

I suddenly feel like want to read it through the whole series of Narnia. There might be some insight yet to be discovered that C.S Lewis had in stored inside the stories. Hrmm.

I always have an out of rationality idea to put aside everything and do the thing I like only first. So if by any chance I happen to get my hand on The Chronicles of Narnia.. haha.. there will be a oxford dictionary beside my bed and weeks of isolated 8 hours daily between me and the books. (8hours sleep and the rest my basic physiology needs). Hehe. Jk.

Finding rest

I sleep but still can never find enough rest. I have no idea why my eyes can so easily feel tire, some time i can feel the heaviness of just lifting the eye's lid after a period of time. It can get dry so fast that even 15 mins ago just washed my face. Hence, I set a reminder to remind myself to get a 'eye moist'.

Today planned to go hostel in the afternoon ended came at 'yuugata' subsequent to the long-life rain and the worse is forgot to bring my room key. Anyhow I'm glad that i had duplicated a key and asked my apartment mate to keep for me but still wasted an hour just to wait for them to come back from dinner. if I go back home and take then I can spare at least ten mins.

I need a place to really find rest, and I know there is a only place I can go;the secret place into your embrace. Frequency been adjusted and I want to receive the signal clearly. I am sorry for the disobedient. I thank you for the songs that giving warmth. Let today be not the take it for granted day. I love you Jesus!!!

Put Into Perspective

Yes, today will be a fruitful day. There is nothing I can't within control. I miss time of exercise. The last time I go exercised will be probably six months ago. Ya, you can imagine I look like having a 3months baby. I just noticed that I wasn't consistent in labeled my post. Cause most of the time I forgot to categorize it or precisely i don't know how to categorize it. Haha. It's a process of learning though. It's important to put things and problems into perspective. And there is always a way where there seems no way. My favourite and first ever heard christian songs(i not so sure and i think so la) is 'My All in All', I still remember the CD that my tuition teacher gave when I was 17.
Times really fly. I missed some of my friends back then, my buddies. When are they now?I wonder. I hope he is doing ok; a particular one whom I get along with most of the time when I was a always lone ranger in class not because I dislike by many but is my personality that time always read 'Jin Yong', 'Ku Lung' novel, conan the inspector comics etc where I can spend wholeday in room just into the world of the author had created and in the ages of 12 i had formed a inside world that certain people will find it not easy to talk to me where I found most of the conversation are silly. The author had really brain wash me and into the Disnasty Ching Era.LOL.
I'm sorry for not doing good as in keeping in touch. And pathetically I still am. I will put all things into perspective soon. I think I will write more from now as it can really evoked the time of my youth where initially I don't know what to share. When I was 'old enough' before forgot my own name I can at least reminisce the past to myself as I reading through. and self entertain of the silly, disappoint, depress, fun and silly moments. Ha.
Time to go to class.

Your Piece of Mind

I logged in to my campus forum site and my lecturer posted this question. Who Are You 10 Years From Now? For about ten minutes I keep ponder on this question... and maybe that's the caused that causes me sometime aimless and unmotivated especially when stress haunted me. I need to rest and i need a break and more so a private time to seek You earnestly in finding who i wanna be ten yrs from now.

untitled

Today is really unfruitful day. I spent my day just like that. Lord, please help me to plan and remind me of the things that I must do as the day are approaching. For this moment I want to reprogram my mind and do the right things rather than doing things right cause time is near and things with getting out of hand if I still don't set my goal. Please strengthen me and strengthen those who are weak and wish to find strengthen in You. Every solution will give birth to another problem but when You are the center things will be all balanced again. I now cast all my anxiety to You. I don't want to live my life without the peace that You already given, live in this world just make me forgotten the truth that You will always be where I am. Not because of what I did or who I am but because of who You are. Please keep reminding me and whoever need to hear from You daily that we have been called and we are all chosen to be bless and as a blessing to others.